


Two Birds, No Stone; Please Don't Kill my Birds

by maddiebug



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Did anyone else know that mr pigeon is named Xavier??, F/M, Ladybug and Chat plot murder, This is crack, Why isnt mr pigeon a character, can someone cure my concussion, honestly dont know why i wrote this, im bored, like what, no beta we die like men, t for description of the cataclysm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:29:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21839749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiebug/pseuds/maddiebug
Summary: After fighting Mr. Pigeon for like the tenth time, Ladybug and Chat Noir want a break.Seriously.Then They begin a murder plot
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 8
Kudos: 139





	Two Birds, No Stone; Please Don't Kill my Birds

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes this is also stupid

"I mean, come on," Chat Noir laughed, "does the man have no other hobbies?"

"I don't know. I don't think I've ever seen him doing anything other than feeding pigeons."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah." She thought about it. "Everyday he feeds them."

"That's kinda sweet."

"Yeah, he really cares about pigeons and the environment."

"-And global warming."

"He has good intentions..."

Chat flexed his claws. "I still want to kill every pigeon in Paris."

"Chat!"

"Relax, I'm not actually going to."

"You can't, you're allergic to feathers."

"That's besides the point." He raised an eyebrow. "You can't tell me you've never thought about it."

"I mean, I've thought about it."

"You have?"

"Of course."

"Tell me about it."

She got a dark look in her eyes. "First we kidnap every bird. You grab all the pigeons and cataclysm them. We laugh as their bodies turn to ash. Finally ridding Paris of those pests. Mr. Pigeon is akumatized for the last time..."

"Yeah I'm not doing that." He grabbed her shoulder. "Slow down there buckaroo."

"You wanted to know what I was thinking." She crossed her arms defensively. "You brought it up."

"I was just thinking."

"We really could kill two birds with one stone."

Chat shook his head. "I thought you were better than that."

"What?"

"That phrase is politically incorrect."

"Really?" She scoffed. "Well then, what am I supposed to say."

"Feed two birds with one scone."

"Feed..." She started laughing. "That's ridiculous."

"I know, right? Why would you waste a perfectly good scone?"

"Its perfect."

"It is?"

"Yeah, we have to think like the enemy."

"Hawkmoth?"

"No. Mr. Pigeon." 

"I don't want to think like him."

"Why not?"

"I'd rather have my every waking thought consumed by you than pigeons."

"That's cute." She shook her head. "Think like the enemy. Feed two birds with one scone."

"Kill two birds with one stone."

She laughed. "If he heard that, he'd be horrified."

"He'd call the police on us." He was mostly joking.

"He'd report us for animal abuse." It wouldn't be the First time.

Chat raised an eyebrow, "Do you know what he would say?"

"No." Ladybug looked at Chat. "What would he say, instead of, 'kill two birds with one stone.'"

"He'd say," Chat chose to pause for dramatic effect, "Two birds, No stones."

"That's perfect." Ladybug laughed. 

"Two birds? No stones. Don't kill my birds." Chat mimicked.

"Hahah."

"I hate pigeons."

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus:  
> "On a more serious note, if I see another pigeon today, I might kill it."
> 
> "Ditto." Chat growled. "If I have to deal with another feather, I swear to god I will shave all the birds in Paris."
> 
> "That's weirdly specific but, you do you kitty."
> 
> "Hopefully I don't have to."  
> .....  
> Thanks for reading!!! Dont forget comments and kudos and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.  
> ........
> 
> Hey, do you read/write/art for this fandom? Check out the [ miraculous fanworks ](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) discord server.


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